Dear Mom

I'm sorry I will never be able to tell you exactly what is going on with my life. It's not all that complicated, I'm just afraid that if I tell you, you'll want me to change, or you'll force me. And I don't want to change. I want to be who I am. I don't want to stop smoking. I don't want to stop having an "eating disorder." I don't want to stop being self-destructive because I don't give a damn anymore. I don't care. I'm seventeen years old and all I see in my future is a deadbeat job in a cubicle and maybe having fun on weekends. I don't want that. I don't want anything. So, I'm sorry that I'm not who you want me to be, and I'm sorry that you're disappointed in me, but I'm going to live free and fast and I'm going to die young and I am not going to regret a single moment of my life. Unlike you.